NortonKang's Xanga

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 05:12:04 GMT

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've neglected you once again. It was because I was out saving the world . . . and drinking a lot and calling it "grad school".

Yes, I've been busy. Busy busy busy. Life has changed drastically, but fuck damn if it ain't fun. As many of you know, I left the South Bay for a 22 month hiatus in order to pursue higher education in the form of an MBA. The difficulty of the work for each subject is laughable compared to engineering undergrad. However, multiple the variety of work they throw at you by about a billion. There in lies the game.

That, and they pretty much keep you drunk the whole time. By "pretty much", I mean "with a gun to your head while telling you that if you don't drink you'll never have any friends for the next 2 years". I know because I'm taking a marketing class, so I can speak there language now.

As I said, much has changed, and even more has occured. Let's start a short list:

1) Moved to the east bay
2) Got elected as Social representative for my cohort, meaning I plan and help coordinate the social events for the portion of students that I take all of my core classes with (~60 students)
3) Tried to run the "Beer Mile": this is where you chug a beer, run a quarter mile, then repeat until you've completed a full mile. I succeeded in completing the mile. I did not succeed in completing the "not puking 48 oz of liquid) part.
4) I dominated a drunken twister competition. I don't have much time to break up here, but I knew those skills could be applied somewhere.
5) I've been to 3 beer festivals, one in Boston, and 1 scotch tasting. I also started the official Beer Club at my school.
6) I lost my $260 camera on the Bart because I fell asleep on the Bart, woke up in Orinda on the last train, dropped my camera somewhere, then had to take a cab back home to the tune of $40. A very bad night.
7) I was elected "VP of Social" for the MBA Association, meaning for the next year I will plan ALL the social events around the school - I am drunk with power . . . oh wait, that's wine.
8) I landed all A- in my first set of classes with an effort level that would've gotten me expelled in undergrad. Gotta love b-school.
9) I'm currently participating in "No Shave November", which is pretty self-explanatory. My beard (or chin fuzz) has been sponsored for $50, with that money going to charity if I make it through November without shaving. I'm not kidding. But man, do I look completely awful.

And there's been a bunch of other stuff, but your probably so bored that your're coming over hear right now kick me in the temple, so I'll move on.

Actually, there's not much else. Michi the Angry-Looking Japanese chick is still standing by me despite my inavailability, I haven't gotten fat, and I think I have a much better idea what I want to do with my (that feeling might only last about 3 days though).

I have to go drink in the bathroom now. The b-school administration has sensors that can tell when you're sobering up.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tue, 02 May 2006 21:00:05 GMT

Hi blog readers (if there are any of you left), sorry I've been so distant and cold lately. Despite my preponderance of free-time at work these days, I've had no inspiration for and inclination towards updating this thing lately. I guess I'm in a state of blog depression, due to an imbalance in my blog-otonin.

Or I could just be super lazy from sitting here staring at the internet/the wall/my feet for hours straight.

Life outside of work has been jim-dandy and action packed, or jim-packed and action dandy. Ooh, time to google the origin of the term "jim dandy". Uno momento pork flavor.

-- Google Break --

Okay, I'm back. According to the online Merriam Webster dictionary, the saying most likely originated from the term "jack-a-dandy". Dandy apparently is "a man who gives exaggerate attention to appearance." And "jack-a" means "jack of". So I guess a "jack-a-dandy" is someone known to be a dandy. God that was too much effort.

Hmm, I suppose I unfortunately could be considered a "dandy" by certain wags and pundits, at least physical fitness-wise. Clothing-wise, I'd be wearing a menagerie of plastic bags everyday if Michi The Angry-Looking Japanese Girl wasn't dressing me. She somehow intuitively knows things like "black goes with everything", and "exposed nipple doesn't look good on me". Ah, the mysteries of the fairer, angrier-looking gender.

Maybe I'll head home, pop in a Teletubbies DVD, and drink some scotch. Well, let's list some things I need to take care of before heading off to the land of bizness:

1. Quit job #1 (est. Jun 16)
2. Quit job #2 (est. Jul 1)
3. Find a place, most likely in Emeryville (est. Jul-ish)
4. Dump paper money, turn into real money, give to business school, cry
5. Having going away party of some sort which will be capped off with a series of apologies for hilarious yet regrettable incidents.
6. Go to Maui, go to pineapple winery that I might criticize the whole concept of pineapple wine while sucking down copious amounts of it for free
7. Eat stuff, haven't decided what yet.

Yep, it's a pretty full schedule. Now I'm off to lie down under my desk.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 17:04:16 GMT

Hello all, my journey down the scotch path continues. I'm going to list out what I've tried so far, along with a nebulous rating system so I can keep track of everything. The ones that I underlined are the ones that I actually own, and so they sit there on my shelf, tempting me to sip them and pour them down my pants:

Balvenie Double Wood 12yr: 7.5/10
Lagavulin 16yr: 10/10
Macallan 12yr: 7/10
Glenfiddich Special Reserve (12yr?): 5.5/10
Talisker 10yr: 8.5/10
Clynelish 14yr: 7.5/10

Whoops, kind of fell off there for over a month. Anyway, here's the rest of the post:

Oban 14yr.: 8/10
Laphroaig 10yr: 8.5/10 (and cheap!)
Glenmorangie 10yr: 7.5/10
Glenmorangie aged in Sherry Wood 12yr: 8/10
Glenkinchie 10yr.: 8/10
Glenlivet 12yr.: 6/10 (I got this one by raiding Audrey's booze cabinet on her moving day)
Dalwhinnie 14yr.*: 8/10
Ardbeg Uiegedal: 9.5/10

* denotes a scotch that I don't currently own but will most likely blow money on

This list doesn't any of the whiskies I had at the Whiskies of the World Festival (except for the Ardbeg) because their were way too many, and I didn't type this while things were fresh in my mind. We'll just say it was like a 3 hour porno marathon of scotches gettin' it on with each other. Also, there was a really good buffet . . . I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.

Anyway, I have about 2 more months of my engineering job, and slightly more of personal training, then I'm in full-retirement for a month (woo-hoo!!!!!!!). Unfortunately, my brain has been fully retired for about a month now, and is now just sitting at home in the easy chair, wearing a wife-beater, drinking Miller High Life, and watching daytime TV court shows where sassy black judges tell newjacks how it is. Word.

As an example of my brain retirement, the following creation was my major accomplishment at work last week:

I call this the accident fairy, and I'm going to propse it as the new mascot for the gym where I work. That, or the ceiling cat:

Hopefully the ceiling cat will help reduce the rampant masturbation problem at work.

Oh yeah, check out my friend's blog at www.xanga.com/tonightsdrink, he's been reviewing cocktail recipes.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 16:41:59 GMT

I know we can all appreciate the magic contained within this picture:

Magic I tell's ya.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 18:17:24 GMT

I'm a wee bit drowsy today. I went and saw the new Cirque du Soleil show last night, which had surprisingly little package action. Maybe they're focusing less on French-Canadian bulges, and more on the acrobatics. Sounds like a poor business decision to me.

Anyway, it ran a bit late, and work ran a bit early this morning, so I trudged my way through 3 hours of personal training this morning powered mostly by Starbucks and partially by my own jokes which are oh so entertaining. Isn't that why you're reading this? Or is it more of a car crash can't look away type dealy? Regardless, the morning was a bit hazy. I actually remarked to my 2nd client that I was disappointed that in my time at the gym I have never seen a good comical medicine ball to the groin. He seemed to understand my dissappointment. On the other hand, when he does mocking impressions of me, it sounds a lot like the evil German guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark that gets his face melted at the end. So I think we're on the same wavelength.

So now that I'm at job #2, I've been mostly staring at my cubicle wall with my mouth open reminiscing about the midget capering that they had during the show last night. Ah the capering. So midget-y.

Normally my haziness comes from having had a drink the night before. Now that I get up super early, one drink is enough to scramble my brain early in the morning. However, I didn't drink last night. I DID have a Talisker 10-yr during lunch, which scrambled my brain for work during the afternoon. Mmmmm, Talisker. Very smokey and peat moss-y, but not that complex. Very smooth though.

Scanning back through this entry, it's pretty pointless. Which brings me to the question: Why are you reading this? Is it because you're as bored as I am? Has my blog become your only communication with the outside world? Are you waiting for the day I post naked pictures of myself (I'm working on it, I keep blinking when the flash goes off)?

I believe I will either get back to work, or Google people I know now.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 16:18:03 GMT

HAPPY B-DAY TO BILL AND ONLINECOLBY!!!!!!

You guys have seen me throw up a lot, and that's special. Well, not really, but Bill was there for the trapped in a porta-potty incident, and OnlineColby was gracious enough to pull over on the side of 101 that I might avoid puking in my own car. That's special-er.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 05:29:06 GMT

Hello all, I'm back again after a brief interlude. I hope you enjoyed the distractions of your life, whether it be watching figure skating in the Olympics, or figure skating on Skating With Celebrities. Regardless of where you watch your figure skating, the stars of the show always seem to be the velour-coated dongs.

Anyway, I just got back from having a few drinks with one of my former personal training clients. Now that I'm no longer training this person, I can let them know that the true secret to good health and fitness is drinking booze followed by hundreds of jumping jacks. All to the soundtrack of Footloose. That's the magic formula.

I'm currently in the process of learning about a new booze, that being single malt scotches. I had avoided that whole whiskey scene for almost 9 years (since fall of '97). That's when I first discovered 100 proof Southern Comfort, the magic of shots, and projectile vomiting. I believe I managed to fit a tequila sunrise and two bottles of Leinenkugel's in there too. Big thanks goes to Smiling John for providing the booze.

So now I'm commited to going to the Whiskey's of the World expo at the end of March. $95 per ticket commited, that is. Therefore, I'm also committing to educating myself about whiskey as much as possible. So far, I've tried 3 different single malt scotches (Balvenie 12 yr. double wood, Macallan 12 yr., and Lagavulin 16 yr., which was recommended by Etxebarria), and they've all been pretty enjoyable. Before, the smell of whiskey used to give me phantom pains in my booze sack. Now I've learned the secret to drinking good whiskey.

Rule #1:
- Small sip = interesting flavors followed by a nice warmth
- Large sip or greater = POISON!!!!!!!!

Rule #2
- Don't snort whiskey

Rule #3
- Don't challenge whiskey to a cage match. You will lose.

This may seem obvious to some of you snooty bastards with your fancy power streering and expensive Thai prostitutes, but I'm just a simple man, with simple steering and domestic prostitutes. Okay, I need to sleep now so I can act healthy in the morning for my clients.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 21:37:35 GMT

Ugh. It's been too long, beloved Xanga. I miss your musk.

Anyway, how is everyone? I am well. Actually, I'm very drowsy from lunchtime beery goodness. My what a long fun-filled week it has been and will continue to be. On Monday night, I actually got to bed at 9:30, with the intention of being all downy fresh when I woke up at 5am. Instead I was rudely awoken at 10:30pm. Here's what happened:

Me: *snore*

Diarrhea Monster: Hey!

Me: *snort*

Diarrhea Monster: Hey! Are you awake?

Me: . . . I am now . . . what?

Diarrhea Monster: How come we never talk anymore?

Me: . . . oh lord . . . it's because I started eating fruits and vegetables and fiber . . . go away . . .

Diarrhea Monster: But we used to hang out all the time, what happened? Don't you miss my touch?

Me: That's was back in college when I was living off of beer and ramen and cafeteria chicken strips.

Diarrhea Monster: So what, you're too good to be my friend now?

Me: I was never your friend. You latched on to me like a rodeo cowboy.

Diarrhea Monster: *sniffle* I know you didn't mean that *sniffle*

Me: Yes I meant it! You were never anything but a useless appendage, and I'm happy your gone!

Diarrhea Monster: Stop! You're lying! What makes you lie!?!?!?

So in summary, I spent Monday evening fighting with the Diarrhea monster. Four times in fact. It may have had something to do with the day of beer drinking and then the 2 trips to wine county in the preceding week. Or maybe it was Al Qaeda tainting our water. By "tainting" I mean they dipped their taints in our water supply. That'll get anyone sick.

Wednesday I went to a B-school mixer with alums, current students, and prospective students. While the overwhelming majority of people were actually very honest and genuine, there were a few bad eggs that made the whole thing stink of business stereotypes. I'll assume they're in the small minority so that I can justify my future course of development.

Aaaah, rationalizing goodness.

This Sunday is the Toronado Barleywine Festival. The last time I went to the Toronado, I ended up disoriented and trapped in a porta-potty in the beer garden of Zeitgeist. Good times. For thsoe of you that don't know, barleywine is VERY powerful beer (~10% alcohol by volume, compared with ~4% for Bud). Should be an interesting, slightly vomity time. And what better way to celebrate our great presidents than to drink fermented brown water and thrash around in a public piss closet? I can't think of a better way. The land of the free indeed.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 19:00:12 GMT

It's amazing, it's like they know I have an out now so they're hammering as hard as possible with as many different crappy assignments as they can simultaneously. Maybe I should take down the giant countdown clock that says "Everyone here can go suck it in: " followed by the time remaining. That might be tipping them off.

Well, someone just put a meeting between my butt and a broomhandle on my calendar, so I better get going. Ah, the ol' rat race, that never ending battle between taking it up the butt and stealing office supplies. The cosmic ballet goes on.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 01:12:02 GMT

WOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got into Berkeley's B-school!!!!

Funny how after I just finish bitching about work, I now have a fabulous escape route. See? If you bitch loud enough, fate will give you a helping hand.

BITCH LOUDER!